Uwajimystery #14

Durian Chips

This weeks uwajimystery is not something from Uwajimaya but something my sister found at Hmart, Durian Chips. Yes Durian Chips. Now just to be clear these are not durian flavored chips but actual pieces of durian fried into a chip. I'm guessing there is no such thing as durian flavor because who in their right mind would create that. If you don't know what durian is or you do but you have never had the wonderful opportunity of being in its presence it has been both described as the best and worst tasting thing on earth. Here is a little snipit from wikipidia.

British novelist Anthony Burgess writes that eating durian is "like eating sweet raspberry blancmange in the lavatory." Chef Andrew Zimmern compares the taste to "completely rotten, mushy onions." Anthony Bourdain, a lover of durian, relates his encounter with the fruit as thus: "Its taste can only be described as...indescribable, something you will either love or despise. ...Your breath will smell as if you'd been French-kissing your dead grandmother." Travel and food writer Richard Sterling says:

... its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock. It can be smelled from yards away. Despite its great local popularity, the raw fruit is forbidden from some establishments such as hotels, subways and airports, including public transportation in Southeast Asia

So some asshole decides to make a chip out of this stuff where he then decides to sell it at Hmart where my sister finds it and thinks it would be funny for me to try it on my blog. Great.

I have nothing else to say.

The chips are sealed in this fancy most likely NASA designed bag to trap and seal any odor from leaking out to keep unsuspecting shoppers from having the chance to catch a small whiff of what is lying beneath that silvery surface of deception any lies. 

Read this bullshit.

So after wrestling with the bag which was hard to open probably because god did not want these to ever be opened, I caught my first whiff of wafting confusing arrays of varying sweet and sour smells. Now when I say sour I don't mean it in the good sense like sour candy or sweet and sour chicken. I mean sour as in rotting sour smell, like a piece of chicken that has spoiled in the fridge, then forgotten for a few months then opened again, tossed into the trash where it sat for a week, then was tossed into the back of a garbage truck where it sat baking and mixing with a few tons of trash on the hottest day of the year, then dropped off at the dump the same day as diaper day, mixed together for a few hours, then it's compacted more into a train car bound for a landfill, which that very train just happens to be going by you when it derails and that same piece of chicken goes flying out and smacks you in the face. That is pretty much it.

God,  To make it worse it looks like pieces that have fallen off of Tree Man's hands.

Now is this the worse thing I have ever eaten, no. It is though by far the strangest. Its flavors and smell just can not be pinpointed. My mind keeps drifting between the sweet and putrid smells. I just cant keep my mind from imagining rotting things. Nothing good about this, stay away, far away.